My owners torture me
So as you saw earlier I decided to have guest blogs. My first guest blog was my co-worker Kim, who I might add has some really funny stuff to say. My next Guest blog is from somebody very close to me, and I know many of you won't believe me but my next guest blog is from my dog buddy (Yes, I taught my dog how to type. He is very smart!). I will now hand it off to my best friend, Buddy.
Yeah, you bastard I am smart and the only reason I learned how to type is because you won't let me roam. I'm lonely, my balls only look attractive for so long. Hell that black lab you call "Hero" is starting to look attractive.
Ok first let me get this off my chest, I hate dry food and you know it. I want what you eat and I don't care if it cost me a couple of years off my life. It is better than eating that crap you give me. I see you eating in front of me why can't you just give me a little. What is with everyone calling me fat? LOOK IN A MIRROR! Hell, I've been eating my protein and working out. This is all muscle baby! Listen, I want to eat healthy but my owners won't give me any nutrious food. I eat carrots and banannas.
What is up with the once a month bath? It's embarrassing! All the dogs in the neighborhood talk. They call me names like smelly and no balls. By the way, I am going to make your life a living hell since you took my manhood. I promise you that!
Also where in the hell do you guys go all the time. Seriously, what can be more fun than hanging out with me. Even when you come home you turn on that stupid TV and please turn it down. I only got 20 hours a sleep yesterday because you had Family Guy blaring (by the way the dog on that show is the funniest character on TV).
I hate squirrels!!!! I hate squirrels!!!! Everyday it is my life's mission to one day bring down those bastards that torment me everyday. With their funny looking tails and their starring glares of taunt. One day I will get you evil squirrels! Oh that glorious day, I will be in heaven. I am done for now ranting so I will hand back to Rhett.
Now I don't normally do this but I wanted to included a Question/Answer with my dog Buddy:
Rhett: You know you gave me a pretty bad bashing.. What about all those time I do take you for walks and give you baths?
Buddy: What 's that once a month! Seriously, why you so freaking lazy! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING WITH ME! Come on, I know you don't have a girlfriend so you can't be that busy.
Rhett: Hey come on I am working on the whole girlfriend thing!
Buddy: You couldn't pick up a deaf blind fat chick at a desperate singles bar with a role of 20's in your pocket.
Rhett: Hey I don't see you helping out too much!
Buddy: that because you don't need me for help, you need act of congress ( what that doesn't work either) nevermind you need an act from God to get you laid.
Rhett: That's it this interview is over!
ladies and gentlemen that was my best friend Buddy.
Yeah, you bastard I am smart and the only reason I learned how to type is because you won't let me roam. I'm lonely, my balls only look attractive for so long. Hell that black lab you call "Hero" is starting to look attractive.
Ok first let me get this off my chest, I hate dry food and you know it. I want what you eat and I don't care if it cost me a couple of years off my life. It is better than eating that crap you give me. I see you eating in front of me why can't you just give me a little. What is with everyone calling me fat? LOOK IN A MIRROR! Hell, I've been eating my protein and working out. This is all muscle baby! Listen, I want to eat healthy but my owners won't give me any nutrious food. I eat carrots and banannas.
What is up with the once a month bath? It's embarrassing! All the dogs in the neighborhood talk. They call me names like smelly and no balls. By the way, I am going to make your life a living hell since you took my manhood. I promise you that!
Also where in the hell do you guys go all the time. Seriously, what can be more fun than hanging out with me. Even when you come home you turn on that stupid TV and please turn it down. I only got 20 hours a sleep yesterday because you had Family Guy blaring (by the way the dog on that show is the funniest character on TV).
I hate squirrels!!!! I hate squirrels!!!! Everyday it is my life's mission to one day bring down those bastards that torment me everyday. With their funny looking tails and their starring glares of taunt. One day I will get you evil squirrels! Oh that glorious day, I will be in heaven. I am done for now ranting so I will hand back to Rhett.
Now I don't normally do this but I wanted to included a Question/Answer with my dog Buddy:
Rhett: You know you gave me a pretty bad bashing.. What about all those time I do take you for walks and give you baths?
Buddy: What 's that once a month! Seriously, why you so freaking lazy! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING WITH ME! Come on, I know you don't have a girlfriend so you can't be that busy.
Rhett: Hey come on I am working on the whole girlfriend thing!
Buddy: You couldn't pick up a deaf blind fat chick at a desperate singles bar with a role of 20's in your pocket.
Rhett: Hey I don't see you helping out too much!
Buddy: that because you don't need me for help, you need act of congress ( what that doesn't work either) nevermind you need an act from God to get you laid.
Rhett: That's it this interview is over!
ladies and gentlemen that was my best friend Buddy.
posted by tigertalk at 8:30 PM
4 Comments:
Sounds like 20 hours of sleep for your Buddy just won't cut the mustard.
Wait Wait ... Wait . . CHecko? what?!? u only had a game card, and a picture frame to win over the hearts of the multiple swooning Regions banktellers.. U have room to talk kid... However, i do feel ur pain. The dog thing -- Hysterical! it was funny, b/c half of what we were talking about today with the dog had to deal with that very blog entry before my even reading it.. Classic! Buddy is the shit - him and dixie need to get together - they would have cute children if either of them could pro-create. . they are both de-sexed.. . alas.... till the next entry
OMG, I think this is by far my favorite blog. he's got a huge chip on his shoulders doesn't he. I'm sure if i asked my lovely satanic dog his opinion he would tell me the same thing minus the dry food because all he eats is fatty scraps and switch the you have no life because i dont have a girlfriend to say i dont have a boyfriend. NI
You know that saying all dogs go to Heaven. Why's that? I have to bust my ass to get to Heaven and all a dog has to do is eat, sleep, and shit. Not fair. I guess that's the price you pay for being neutered at an early age and eating dry food.
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